Among the best.
Oct. 7th, 2007 04:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Random excerpt from a journal entry in 2003 that I stumbled across just now and found interesting:
So for my birthday today, we had lunch at Todai -- free lunch makes for a good birthday tradition. Our waiter there turned out to be someone I knew from high school, not well, but I recognized him in spite of a very different hair style, and back then he was one of those friendly Asian guys who knew my reputation. We chatted a couple times when he came by or we crossed paths; he knew I was at "CIT", and he asked me how it was. When I told him that it was hard, his eyes kind of widened and he asked, "It's hard there? Even for you?" It was almost a second before I remembered, 'Oh yeah, back in high school I was considered to be among the best students.' I guess two terms at Tech, even on pass/fail, is enough to make you forget. Kind of like, "You mean, there was a time when homework and classes were easy?!" No, really, I don't even know how I compare to others at Caltech; it's not the kind of place where you bother to tier yourselves very much. . . . . It's what I wanted: to be studying with the best minds, to be challenged, to not be singled out as the one to be "taken down" if one wanted to be the best. And I don't regret that one bit. It was just kind of weird to be reminded of . . . hm, what? Who I used to be? I don't think I've changed that much personally. Of what my surroundings used to be, I suppose. I'm in a totally different environment now.
I would muse some more -- about how I'm still in a world that's much like Tech: full of very smart people but not all that competitive; about how I seem to masochistically seek out places where I will feel inadequate -- but I really should get some work done. Not least of which is writing thank you letters to a firm where I would definitely feel intimidated and outclassed by the level of talent and from which I would really like an offer. Somehow, I just can't seem to escape this pattern.
So for my birthday today, we had lunch at Todai -- free lunch makes for a good birthday tradition. Our waiter there turned out to be someone I knew from high school, not well, but I recognized him in spite of a very different hair style, and back then he was one of those friendly Asian guys who knew my reputation. We chatted a couple times when he came by or we crossed paths; he knew I was at "CIT", and he asked me how it was. When I told him that it was hard, his eyes kind of widened and he asked, "It's hard there? Even for you?" It was almost a second before I remembered, 'Oh yeah, back in high school I was considered to be among the best students.' I guess two terms at Tech, even on pass/fail, is enough to make you forget. Kind of like, "You mean, there was a time when homework and classes were easy?!" No, really, I don't even know how I compare to others at Caltech; it's not the kind of place where you bother to tier yourselves very much. . . . . It's what I wanted: to be studying with the best minds, to be challenged, to not be singled out as the one to be "taken down" if one wanted to be the best. And I don't regret that one bit. It was just kind of weird to be reminded of . . . hm, what? Who I used to be? I don't think I've changed that much personally. Of what my surroundings used to be, I suppose. I'm in a totally different environment now.
I would muse some more -- about how I'm still in a world that's much like Tech: full of very smart people but not all that competitive; about how I seem to masochistically seek out places where I will feel inadequate -- but I really should get some work done. Not least of which is writing thank you letters to a firm where I would definitely feel intimidated and outclassed by the level of talent and from which I would really like an offer. Somehow, I just can't seem to escape this pattern.
no subject
Date: 2007-10-09 08:04 am (UTC)Anyway. I just realized that if you keep feeling this way no matter where you go, then it's definitely you and not the place. Kind of like how Mr. F ran around going, "What's making that beeping noise I keep hearing?" and suspecting something with alarms in the buildings, when it was his own insulin monitor complaining about the settings. :)
no subject
Date: 2007-10-09 10:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-11 11:26 am (UTC)