Among the best.
Oct. 7th, 2007 04:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elwenRandom excerpt from a journal entry in 2003 that I stumbled across just now and found interesting:
So for my birthday today, we had lunch at Todai -- free lunch makes for a good birthday tradition. Our waiter there turned out to be someone I knew from high school, not well, but I recognized him in spite of a very different hair style, and back then he was one of those friendly Asian guys who knew my reputation. We chatted a couple times when he came by or we crossed paths; he knew I was at "CIT", and he asked me how it was. When I told him that it was hard, his eyes kind of widened and he asked, "It's hard there? Even for you?" It was almost a second before I remembered, 'Oh yeah, back in high school I was considered to be among the best students.' I guess two terms at Tech, even on pass/fail, is enough to make you forget. Kind of like, "You mean, there was a time when homework and classes were easy?!" No, really, I don't even know how I compare to others at Caltech; it's not the kind of place where you bother to tier yourselves very much. . . . . It's what I wanted: to be studying with the best minds, to be challenged, to not be singled out as the one to be "taken down" if one wanted to be the best. And I don't regret that one bit. It was just kind of weird to be reminded of . . . hm, what? Who I used to be? I don't think I've changed that much personally. Of what my surroundings used to be, I suppose. I'm in a totally different environment now.
I would muse some more -- about how I'm still in a world that's much like Tech: full of very smart people but not all that competitive; about how I seem to masochistically seek out places where I will feel inadequate -- but I really should get some work done. Not least of which is writing thank you letters to a firm where I would definitely feel intimidated and outclassed by the level of talent and from which I would really like an offer. Somehow, I just can't seem to escape this pattern.
So for my birthday today, we had lunch at Todai -- free lunch makes for a good birthday tradition. Our waiter there turned out to be someone I knew from high school, not well, but I recognized him in spite of a very different hair style, and back then he was one of those friendly Asian guys who knew my reputation. We chatted a couple times when he came by or we crossed paths; he knew I was at "CIT", and he asked me how it was. When I told him that it was hard, his eyes kind of widened and he asked, "It's hard there? Even for you?" It was almost a second before I remembered, 'Oh yeah, back in high school I was considered to be among the best students.' I guess two terms at Tech, even on pass/fail, is enough to make you forget. Kind of like, "You mean, there was a time when homework and classes were easy?!" No, really, I don't even know how I compare to others at Caltech; it's not the kind of place where you bother to tier yourselves very much. . . . . It's what I wanted: to be studying with the best minds, to be challenged, to not be singled out as the one to be "taken down" if one wanted to be the best. And I don't regret that one bit. It was just kind of weird to be reminded of . . . hm, what? Who I used to be? I don't think I've changed that much personally. Of what my surroundings used to be, I suppose. I'm in a totally different environment now.
I would muse some more -- about how I'm still in a world that's much like Tech: full of very smart people but not all that competitive; about how I seem to masochistically seek out places where I will feel inadequate -- but I really should get some work done. Not least of which is writing thank you letters to a firm where I would definitely feel intimidated and outclassed by the level of talent and from which I would really like an offer. Somehow, I just can't seem to escape this pattern.
no subject
Date: 2007-10-08 09:36 am (UTC)It's good that you are so humble about it, but at the same time, it helps to be realistic that you've done so well so far and that you're up against no cheap competition, but the best in the world. Even if things don't come out to be perfect, you've always been among the top and always will, and internalizing that would probably give you more confidence in yourself. :)
no subject
Date: 2007-10-09 05:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-11 06:34 am (UTC)I've been thinking lately about how every university likes to say "we work hard and we play hard", and apparently every firm likes to say "we take our work seriously but we don't take ourselves very seriously". It's things like that Google result, though, that reveal the truth.
BTW, I don't know if you're on mole-spam anymore, but your oozing dead chicken email was recently honored as having started one of the best threads ever. :D So many fond memories of our schizophrenic hovse...
mole-spam
Date: 2007-10-11 06:53 am (UTC)really? :| That thread made me regret ever sending the email. I thought the "knife in Cannes" emails were funnier.
Re: mole-spam
Date: 2007-10-11 07:10 am (UTC)Which reminds me...
Date: 2007-10-12 05:54 am (UTC)Hmmm...I think I've heard that before...
;)
no subject
Date: 2007-10-09 08:04 am (UTC)Anyway. I just realized that if you keep feeling this way no matter where you go, then it's definitely you and not the place. Kind of like how Mr. F ran around going, "What's making that beeping noise I keep hearing?" and suspecting something with alarms in the buildings, when it was his own insulin monitor complaining about the settings. :)
no subject
Date: 2007-10-09 10:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-11 11:26 am (UTC)