Scattered thoughts.

[elwen]

This is surely not a good thing to be posting as the first entry of the new year, and it is rather morbid, in a sense, to begin with, but I have been very amused by this tonight. Perhaps "amused" is not the right word, but definitely thinking that it is interesting and eloquent.

The new year itself is thus far not much different than the last, duh. I don't believe too much in such rituals as reflecting on the past year or making resolutions for the new, so. I think back and marvel that it's been a year since many things, though.

Excerpts from a failed attempt at a New Year's entry:

A year feels very short when I think about it holistically. I feel as if I haven't changed at all. And yet I am overwhelmed by the number of things that have changed, and all that has happened.

A year ago I was still a silly frosh, still adjusting to Tech, still getting to know the people around me, still learning . . . many things. In some ways, things are mostly just as unsettled as they were back then. But they've moved forward, they're deeper, if that makes sense. I've gone through the outer path and turned inwards, perhaps, like in the Journey of the Fool.

Last year, finals were interesting -- frustrating, but amusing. I could laugh with others about how crazy and unreasonable some of the questions seemed. This year finals were at best worth a shrug and an "I'm glad that's over" and at worst demoralizing and depressing. I review questions only to sigh and kick myself about what I missed. Maybe it was because I was on pass-fail back then, and didn't have to worry about grades so much, and maybe I shouldn't be worrying so much now.

After that, it just became even more depressing, so I figured it was a good time to stop. But I wasn't and am not really in the mood to deconstruct anything, so I think I'll just let the turn of the year pass quietly as it seems to want to do.

I hate it when New Year's is so close to the end of the week, and school starts so soon after. Tomorrow's my last day at home...